Last week I was discussing self isolation and how as a disabled person it wouldn’t be any different from my main life.
How wrong was I? It is different, we can no longer see family members, in fear we catch something, or worse pass it on to loved ones. The threat and fear of medication storages are luming in the back of my mind.
And the staggering dismissal of the deaths as they have pre existing conditions have floored me. Do they not realise, it’s not just end of life people, but people that could live another 50+ years in normal circumstances.
But here we are it’s anything but Normal is it? Schools shut indefinitely, so we collected our youngest daughter on Thursday 19th March so she wouldn’t be stuck up there alone. Though I worry equally about my other three daughters and their families.
The world is different and how different it stays remain to be seen. I’m not ashamed to say I could cry, scream, feel helpless and almost driven mad with what ifs. But I know it won’t help.
All I can do, is reduce the amount I eat and treat it with mindfulness so I can go without more, which in turn means less trips out to supermarkets.
Try to occupy my mind (As that’s my worse enemy) and perhaps step away from social media as much as possible. Everything feels so trivial in comparison to this.
So far we can still walk in the countryside, so I’m doing this for pure mental health, and vitamin D. I can handle the pubs, restaurants and cases, and retail shops shut. But it’s the but wrenching feeling, that you may never hold loved ones again, parents, grandchildren, children. It’s totally Heart breaking.
We celebrated Ostara in the woods, it felt good to have brisk winds whip around our faces, it feels good to be alive. The blue skies and birdsong lifts the spirits, and it was good to snatch that freedom of outside. I have no problems of avoiding shops, pubs but being outdoors is what feeds my soul.