Everytime i go out shopping or for a day out and i take my walking stick, it flours me. Like that wears me out faster than any workout’s i do. The backache and general tiredness makes me realise i’m not as good as i think i am. I also tripped over twice in 2 days, mainly over myself. I didn’t actually fall over more just landed funny on my leg (put it down heavier than i would of liked) And boy does it bring tears to you eyes, thus proving to me i’m weaker and not as fixed as i think i am.
Which makes me wonder how and why the Doctor’s i see to get my medical certs for so i can claim my ESA, why they think that 10 weeks will cover me, when i’ve yet to even get a date for my next surgery (screws took out surgery) and i’m still not painfree, and i use a walking stick. What job would actually want me? When i can hardly stand for an hour, but can’t sit too long either? When there are so many people looking for jobs that can actually do the work too, i’m not sure they would want me?! But the funniest thing the Doctor said to me was, well if you get better in that 10 wks, then let us know so we can adjust your claim? As if i’m going to get that much better in 10 wks!!
So why is it so hard to get these Medical certs, surely it should be a walk in the park for me? Whereas the whole process is hell from start to finish and i’m left feeling ashamed and embarrassed that i can’t work, and feel guilty. I had this surgery so i could become a member of society again, and work again, Nothing would make me happier to be honest. So i question, why should i feel guilty and ashamed??
On a happier note, it’s only 6 weeks until my Holiday and i’m roughly losing 1lb a week, so it’s slow and steady, but the food changes i’ve made are for life rather than a diet, so it should be easier to maintain. The Physio lady as asked me to start going out with out my walking stick, but to be honest i’m just not that brave yet, especially when it’s raining. I struggle enough to stay out for an hour with a stick, but i will try it on a drier day. I’ve dropped my doses of Trama*dol as well, so i’m on Co-Codamol mainly which is not too bad. So it’s all good here when people leave me alone to recover. Lol
Happy Healing fellow Hippy Guys xx